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 THE JOKERS

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macstorm21
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PostSubject: THE JOKERS   Sun Jun 26, 2011 1:33 pm

guy's dito ny0 i p0st ang mga nakakatawa at nakakabaliw na mga jokes nyo dito nyo i share ^,..,~®️©️ lol!
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macstorm21
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PostSubject: Re: THE JOKERS   Sun Jun 26, 2011 1:50 pm

Pari: Ikaw lalaki, tinatanggap
mo bang maging kabiyak
ang taong ito habang buhay?
Lalaki: Opo father
Pari: At ikaw naman,
malanding baklang pokpok,
na mukhang kabayo, akala
mo siguro ang ganda mo sa
gown mo no, tinatanggap
mo ba ang lalaking ito na
hindi ka magsisisi kahit
magkabaon baon ka pa sa
utang sa pagsusustento sa
kanya ha? Sagot agad!
Bakla: Father, sabihin niyo na
lang kung tutol kayo sa kasal
na ito, kesa naman tumalak
ka dyan ng bonggang
bongga, naka microphone ka
pa naman ha!
lol!
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xxerrorxx
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PostSubject: Re: THE JOKERS   Mon Jun 27, 2011 1:34 am

BATA UMUWI NG UMIIYAK!

TATAY: oh anak bakit ka umiiyak?
BATA: lage po kse aq nilang pinipintasa na malaki ang nguso ko.
TATAY: anak hayaan muna sila hnd nman totoo un,Sya kunin muna ung pala,kakain na tau! Whahahaha Razz
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PostSubject: Re: THE JOKERS   Mon Jun 27, 2011 1:58 am

Some day,
you lose your hair
you may lose you teeth
your money and even lose your mind.
But one thing you will never lose,
your good looks,
coz you can never lose what you dont have!Haha:p
------------------------
i had a dream about you,
nasa heaven dw tau w/ 2 angels,
your angel is cute but mine is not,
so nag tampo ko.
Nag ask aq bkt ang cute ng angel mo,
they said: "balance of nature" haha
------------------------
anong animal ang d sigurado?Edi baka!
Eh ano nman ang pinutol?Edi Cat!
Eh ano nman ang lagueng auz?Eh d ox!
Eh ano nman ang laging nauuntog?Eh d dog!
Eh ano nman ang pangit?Eh d cow!Haha
------------------------
i sent an angel to watch over you last night while you were sleeping,she went back 2 me and said ang cute mo raw,sinampal q nga,langyang un,iba ang nbantayan,haha :p
------------------------
i saw some1 at d mall,
so cute,smart looking,simple,elegant and looks like a celebrity,kainis paglapit q nauntog aq,salamin pla,
------------------------
just got my medical exam result,
malala na ang sakit q,everyday lalo aqng na pogi at wla n dw lunas sa sakit qng ito,,
but dont worry,di nman dw nakakahawa,kea safe ka,haha
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PostSubject: Re: THE JOKERS   Mon Jun 27, 2011 3:52 pm

tune_Price Tag
pacquiao version:

ang pangalan ko ay Manny, Manny, Manny. Ang dami ko ng money, money, money. Tinalo ko c Mosley, saya saya ni Jinky. Ang dami ko ng chaching chaching, ang dami ko pang babling, babling, ang yaman na ni Freddie, may pangballroon na si Mommy! Very Happy
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macstorm21
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PostSubject: Re: THE JOKERS   Mon Jun 27, 2011 4:05 pm

Ang makatang sampay-
bakod
Here’s something for your
coffee break……….
BUTI PA SIYA
Buti pa ang kalendaryo, may
date Buti pa ang Hersheys,
may kisses Buti pa ang
probability, may chance
YUNG IBANG TAO, WALA.
Buti pa ang Paranaque, may
BF Buti pa ang farm, may
chicks Buti pa ang halaman,
may nagaalaga YUNG IBANG
TAO, WALA.
Buti pa ang nitso, may
bulaklak Buti pa ang patay,
may dumadalaw Buti pa ang
prisoner, binabantayan YUNG
IBANG TAO, BALIWALA.
Buti pa ang tennis, may love
Buti pa ang bees, may honey
Buti pa ang Chemistry, may
lab YUNG IBANG TAO, WALA.
Buti pa ang telepono, hini-
hello Buti pa ang film, nadi-
develop Buti pa ang
typewriter, nata-type-pan
YUNG IBANG TAO, HINDI.
Buti pa ang exams, sinasagot
Buti pa ang problema, iniisip
Buti pa ang assignment, inu-
uwi YUNG IBANG TAO, HINDI.
Buti pa ang panyo,
nadadantayan ng pisngi Buti
pa ang baso, dinadampian ng
labiButi pa ang unan,
inaakap sa gabi YUNG IBANG
TAO, HINDI PUEDE.
Buti pa ang kamalian,
napapansin Buti pa ang
salamin, minamasdan Buti pa
ang hininga, hinahabol YUNG
IBANG TAO, HINDI
Buti pa ang tindera,
nagpapatawad Buti pa ang
awit at tugtog, pinagsasama
Buti pa ang sugat, inaalagaan
YUNG IBANG TAO, HINDI
Buti pa ang lungs, malapit sa
puso Buti pa ang bra, kakabit
ng dibdib Buti pa ang kotse,
mahal YUNG IBANG TAO,
HINDI
Buti pa ang pera, ini-ingatan
Buti pa ang mahjong,
sinasalat Buti pa ang damo,
dinidiligan YUNG IBA DIYAN,
HINDI
Buti pa ang sobre, nadidilaan
Buti pa ang susi, naipapasok
Buti pa ang itlog, binabati
YUNG SA IBA DIYAN, HINDI
Buti pa ang doorbell,
pinipindot Buti pa ang
keyboard, napi-finger Buti pa
ang bola, nilalaro YUNG SA
IBA DIYAN, HINDI
BUTI PA………… MAGTRABAHO
KA NA AT BAKA MASISANTE
KA PA.
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PostSubject: Re: THE JOKERS   Tue Jun 28, 2011 3:42 pm

Let’s learn French. Oui?
Note: There is no translation to
Tagalog. But if you know
Tagalog,
you would find it very funny
especially some words and
presumably
every Filipino knows who
Joseph “Erap” Estrada, former
president of
the Philippines, whom the
intellectual community
considers him as
“Bobo” for his carabao English
and lack of educational
attainment. — GM
1. TURN – le coup
2. LITER – le true
3. BEHIND – le coud
4. ALMS – le mousse
5. FIVE – le ma
6 . FLY – le pad
7. DID NOT TAKE A BATH – le
bag
8. CONFUSED – le tou
9. NO LONGER A VIRGIN – les
pag
10. UNFAITHFUL HUSBAND –
cou ma le wah
11. CITY – ce vou
12. DRUGS – sha vou
13. GOODBYE – va vou
14. MUSICAL BAND – com vou
15. BALD – cal vou
16. CAUGHT IN THE ACT – na
vou coup, na coup!!
17. FEATHERS – valahe vou
18. UNCLEAR – ma la vou
19. SINK – lah va vou
20. COCONUT – vou coup
21. OPEN WIDE – vou camou
22. CIRCUMCISE – vou
ratattouile
23. ALWAYS UP – va yagriah
24. YOU’RE HOT – le voug mou
25. WASHROOM – coup vaetta
26. JAIL – coup lou ngan
27. SUPER BOOBS – la que
zõusõu
28. BUGER – cõup la ngõut
29. WOUNDS – va cõup cängh
30. BIG MOUTH – chez moussa
31. NAGGER – vou nga
nguerrah
32. TADPOL – vou teiteh
33. JOSEPH ESTRADA – vou
vou!! lol!
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iori61
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PostSubject: Re: THE JOKERS   Tue Jun 28, 2011 5:04 pm

REAL C0URTSHiP LiNES ...



MAN:hi ! Did'nt we go on a date once ? or was it twice ?
WOMAN: must've been once . I never make the same mistake twice !!!
--------------------------------------
MAN: may i have the pleasure of this dance ?
WOMAN: no , i'd like to have some pleasure too !!!
--------------------------------------
MAN: haven't i seen you some place before ?
WOMAN: yes , that's why i don't go there anymore .
--------------------------------------
MAN: is this seat empty ?
WOMAN: yes , and this one will be if you sit down .
--------------------------------------
MAN: hey baby , what's your sign ?
WOMAN: do not enter .
--------------------------------------
MAN: your body is like a temple .
WOMAN: sorry , there are no services today .
--------------------------------------
MAN: i would go to the end of the world for you .
WOMAN: but would you stay there ?
--------------------------------------
MAN: if i could see you naked , i'd die happy .
WOMAN: if i saw you naked , i'd probably die laughing .
--------------------------------------
MAN: where have you been all my life ?
WOMAN: where i'll the rest of your life - in your wildest dreams
--------------------------------------
MAN: do you know who i am ?
WOMAN: (announcing to others) look everybody , this man doesn't know who he is .
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macstorm21
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PostSubject: Re: THE JOKERS   Wed Jun 29, 2011 1:11 am

call girl
misis1:lolokohin ko ang
mister ko kunwari isa akong
call girl
misis2:o sige game ako jan!
nakita ni misis1 c mister
misis1:helllo boy pwede ka
ba ngaun?
mister:ayoko nga sayo
kamukha mo miss ko!


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macstorm21
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PostSubject: Re: THE JOKERS   Wed Jun 29, 2011 1:27 am

Bawal Magnakaw
Isang araw, nakaroon ng salo-
salo ang Presidente at ang
dalawang dating Presidente.
sabi ni ninoy: bawal ang
magnakaw
nagtanong si erap: bakit
naman bawal?
sabi ni gloria: bawal ang
magnakaw kasi wala na
kayong mananakaw inubos ko
na eh.
hehe, peace

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macstorm21
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PostSubject: Re: THE JOKERS   Wed Jun 29, 2011 1:29 am

Title: Vampire Session
Isang araw my 3 bampira na
naguusap sa isang club;
Rich Vampire: Pa order nga ng
Fresh blood..
Middle Class Vampire: Ako
naman ung Dinuguan..
Poor Vampire: Sa akin, Hot
water nalang..
Waiter: Bakit po Hot Water
lang ang order ninyo?
Poor Vampire: Paano naman
eh nakapulot ako ng napkin sa
daan kanina, mag te-tea
nalang ako.. lol!
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macstorm21
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PostSubject: Re: THE JOKERS   Wed Jun 29, 2011 1:31 am

Boy:tandaan mu lhat ng
sa2bihin ko dhil imp0rtante
ito?
Girl: ok anu ba sasabhin mu??
Boy:ahmmm',' mahal na mahal
kita lagi m0ng tandaan na
andito lng aq, lagi sa tabi
mu...!!
Boy: anu natandaan mu bA??
Girl: (kinilig) ah oo naman,
Boy: good pakisabi yan sa
bestfriend mu, ahH. Tnx!! lol!
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macstorm21
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PostSubject: Re: THE JOKERS   Wed Jun 29, 2011 1:35 am

BOY: miss, pwd mgtnung?
anung oras na?
GIRL: ngttanung k ng oras?
tpos ttanungn mu name ku?
tpos hhingin mu numbr ku?
tpos liligwan muq? tpos aftr
1mo. pcharming akung ssgutn
kta.. tpos bbsita k sa bahay..
tpos mgddate tyo.. tpos smpre
pkipot nmn aku.. tpos ddlhn
muq kht san lng.. tpos mi
mngyyari stn.. tpos mbbuntis
aku..
tpos ppkasal tyo.. tpos
bbugbugn mu lng ako! at pnu
na ang bata?! Hindi! Hndi ku
ssbhn kung anung oras na!
BOY: (speechless)


Anak umuwi ng bahay.(gaLit)
anak: nay, pinptwag kau sa
skul!
nay: bakit? my ginwa kn
namang katarntaduhan?
anak: ako ba? baka ikaw, ikw
nga pinapatawag db?


Hndi lng ang mga in-love ang
pwedeng kiligin.... Ang mga
umiihi dn... Smile


Q: an0ng similarity ng sperm at
may0nnaise? A: pareh0 clang
galing itl0g at pareh0ng ladies
choice hehe lol!
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PostSubject: Re: THE JOKERS   Wed Jun 29, 2011 1:53 am

6 senses of kissing.
Sense of Smack.
Sense of Torrid.
Sense of Gigil.
Sense of Hawak.
Sense of Libog.
Eh ano yong pang anim?
Absense! Wala ng CLOTHES.
Hahaha

Ang Alamat ng WAKA-WAKA.
Noong unang panahon,sina
Pedro at Juan ay gumagawa ng
homework sa Geography.
Nainis si Pedro kasi hindi
makita ni Juan ang Africa sa
mapa.
P: (kinukuha ang mapa) Amin
na, mina.
J: Eh eh, wag ka wag ka, eh eh.
P: Amin na, mina.Sa kalewa.
J: Alam na, Ah ah.
P: Amin na, mina.
J: Eh eh. Wag ka, wag ka. Eh eh.
P: Amin na, mina, sa kalewa.
coz this is africa.
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macstorm21
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PostSubject: Re: THE JOKERS   Wed Jun 29, 2011 1:56 am

"Hindi ko pa naranasang
magmahal kahit minsan!"
-FISHBALL. Php 0.50 since 1992.


Teacher: ok class, only Juan got
99/100...
Juan: oha! Ano kau ngaun?!
Mamundok nlang kau!
Magtanim nlang kau ng
kamote mga bobo! Mga
walang pnag aralan, mga ubod
ng tanga! Bkit hndi p kau
mgpakamatay?!
Teacher: the rest got 100..
.basag. .wahaha.


B0y: mis.. Tanim kaba?
Girl: k0rny m0h..cge nga bakit?
B0y: pa.a m0 puro ugat..
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PostSubject: Re: THE JOKERS   Wed Jun 29, 2011 2:03 am

"PLANTS VS. ZOMBIE LOVE
STORY"
ZOMBIE: why do you keep on
striking me with your peas
that will eventually shoot me
to death when i only wanted
to be near you?
PEASHOOTER: because you are
only interested with my brain.
How about my heart?ö

My 2 sister n hnahbol ng rapis
until umbot cla s isng kanto...
Sr1:sister dun k s kaliwa ako
nlng papahabol!
Nkatakas c sr2..after 1 hour.. S
simbhan..
Sr2: sister! Bkt wla kang palda!
Sr1: sinadya kong mgphbol
sister!
Sr2:ano?! Bkt? Sn n ung rapis?
Anu ginwa nyo?
Sr1: xempre tinanggal ko palda
ko!
Sr2: ha?! O tapos?
Sr1: xempre binba nya
pantalon nya!
Sr2: nku po diyos ko! O tapos
sister??
Sr1: xempre tumakbo n ako d2,
masmabilis tumakbo ang
babaeng wlang palda kesa s
lalaking nakbba ang pantalon!
Haha! Kala mu green noh? lol!
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macstorm21
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PostSubject: Re: THE JOKERS   Wed Jun 29, 2011 2:16 am

5 tips for a happy man's life
1 is to have a gurl to help you
@ work,
2. have a gurl to take care &
love u.
3. have a gurl who can make
you laugh.
4. have a gurl who spoils u.
Lastly
5. make sure these FOUR gurls
don't know each other.

when i die ..
i want to change the 'R.I.P'
initials on my tombstone ..
instead of,
"Rest In Peace"
R-edhorse
i-padala
P-lease. . .
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macstorm21
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PostSubject: Re: THE JOKERS   Wed Jun 29, 2011 2:20 am

>Sabi ng mga pangit:
"what is beauty if your brain is
empty?"
ganti ng mga magaganda at
gwap0:
"what is knowledge if your
face is damage?"
* Hahaha! Smile


I wanna be a billi0naire, so
freaking bad, buying all the
STING I never had. I wanna be
on the c0ver of REDH0RSE
magazine,
smiling next to C0BRA ENERGY,
oh everytime I close my eyes, I
see my name in SAN MIG LIGHT.
HAHA. . .

Pag ang
"ex" mu
s frnd mu
npunta
wg ka ng
mgta2ka
ksi san ba
npu2nta ang
"basura"sa
"plastik"d'ba?
Peru kung sa relativ mu
npunta,yun ang tnatawag na
"sagip
kapamilya"
hehe .
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macstorm21
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PostSubject: Re: THE JOKERS   Wed Jun 29, 2011 2:27 am

Nagtanong ang teacher kay
juan
Teacher:juan anung hayop ang
nagsisimula sa letter k
Juan:mam kuto po
Teacher:hindi!! nagtatapos ito
sa letter w
Juan:mam alam ko na kutow
Teacher:hindi!! Pang lupa ito
Juan:mam alam ko na po
kutow lupa
Teacher:hindi!! May sungay toh
Juan:mam dimonyong kutow lol!


1 bata,ngpass ng blank pper s
art tcher..
T: bkt blank ang work m?
B: ngdrowng po aq ng baka at
damo.
T: (tningnn ang ppel) san ang
damo?
B: ubos npo,kinain ng baka.
T: (kamot s ulo) e nsn ung
baka?
B: ano p ga2wn ng baka jn e
wla ng damo? sympre umalis
n. common sense nmn mam!ü
haha., Smile
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PostSubject: Re: THE JOKERS   Wed Jun 29, 2011 2:43 am

C mahal sumakay na taxi..
MAHAL:dlaybel alam mo to
adles..?
DRIVER:ano po adress...?
MAHAL:siksik oten patay titi...!
DRIVER:patingn nga....ah....
66010 PASAY CITY...!

MATH CLASS:
GURO: jUaN, kUnG aKo'Y mAy 5
aNaK sA uNaNg aSaWa aT 7
nAmAn sA pAnGaLaWa aT 3 sA
pAnGaTLo, mEr0n ac0hNg ? . . .
JUAN: KALANDIAN p0h . . .iSa
kAnG kErEnGkEnG mA'aM,
mALaNdi kA, hALiPaRoT,
kALaDkAriN, mAkAti, mAhiLiG,
pAriWaRa, p0kPoK, iMoRaL . . .
GURO: uMuPo kA, tAnG iNa
mOh, di kA mAkAkApAsA gAg0!
-hala?

kung ayaw nyo to paki bura na lang ng post na to. .
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macstorm21
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PostSubject: Re: THE JOKERS   Wed Jun 29, 2011 2:52 am

Juan:0y,ano yan?Pinya?
Pahingi nman.
Pedro:Pahingi? Nsaan ka
nung ngbu2ngkal ako ng lupa
sa ilalim ng init ng araw?
Nasaan ka nung ngtatanim ako
hbang kumukulog, kumikidlat
at
bumubuhos ang ulan?Nsaan ka
nung oras na ng-aani ako na
ngkalat ang mraming ahas sa
daanan ko, nung naghihirap
ako sa pgpasan ng pinya?
Nasaan ka?
Juan:Nakulong ksi ako noon!
Nkaptay ako ng madamot!
Pedro:gnun ba?
Kuha ka na, khit ilan!
May langka pa dun!:]
>nyahahahaa.



A very SAD story:
A guy visits his dying Chinese
girl friend at d hospital. D
Chinese girl said "Hong Pi Chik"
den die. D guy went all d way
to China to find d meaning of
his friend's last w0rd. And he
was sh0ck 2 kn0w d real
meaning.
"WAG MO TAPAKAN ANG
OXYGEN"
Ngek? =/
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PostSubject: Re: THE JOKERS   Wed Jun 29, 2011 2:56 am

Sir: Inday wla maam mo,dun
tau sa kwar2.
Inday: wAt? r u nuts? 4 ur
n4mati0n sir I intend 2 reserve
my viRginity 4 d person I truly
lUv. f u think im an easy 2
get,cheap, slut.well,ur barking
at d wr0ng tree & wil u pls act
like a pr0fesSional bc0z ur s0
e[You must be registered and logged in to see this link.]
Char lng siR, tara! excited
nAkOh! Hehehe!


ALONE?
i'm here for you.
iN LOVE?
i'm happy for you.
HURT?
you may cry on my shoulders.
NEED HUG?
my arms are yours.
NEED MONEY?
wala si
"*** "
umalis!
may ginagawa!
lumayas!
naglilinis!
may trabaho!
tulog!
nag'abroad!
'di ko alam kung kailan
babalik!
hindi n'ya number 'to!
hu u?haha
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PostSubject: Re: THE JOKERS   Wed Jun 29, 2011 3:07 am

Kpag pinipilit ka ng parents mo
na umamin sa kasalanan mo,
e2 dpt mong sabihin,
"No person shall be compelled
to be a witness against
himself."
-PHILIPPINE C0NSTITUTI0N-
Article III,
Secti0n 17. Right Against Self-
Incriminati0n
Safe k n, n0sebleed pa cla,
Hahahah. . =)



Amo: inday, paalisin mo nga
yung pulubi sa labas ng bahay
Inday: off you go! under no
circumstance this house would
relent to such
unabashed display of vagrant
destitution!!!
Pulubi: oh! im so ashamed!
such mancion of social
climbing freaks!
hehehe. . . =)
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PostSubject: Re: THE JOKERS   Wed Jun 29, 2011 3:24 am

Anak: nay galing ng
titser ko.
Nay: bakit namn?
Anak: tinuruan kami ng
kagandahang asal
Lola: e d marunong ka
ng gumalang at mag-PO
at OPO?
Anak:Natural! tanga ka
Ba? hm mp...


Titser: use "anyhow"
en "anyone" in a
sentence..
Pacman: hoy Pidro!!
baki mo kinain ang "
anyhow" na manok
na "anyone" ko dyan sa
mesa para kay Jengkeh lol!
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PostSubject: Re: THE JOKERS   Wed Jun 29, 2011 3:25 am

Amo: inday nasaan yung sabon
namin sa banyo?
ginamit mo ba?
Inday: with due respect,
i will not allow my skin to be
touched by
that highly commercialized so
called
anti-bacterial soap. Only belo
touches my skin,
who touches yours? safeguard?
Amo; letche lumayas ka nga!!!


hinahanap ng mga NPA sina
Juan, pedro at berting
Nagtago sila sa sako sa bodega
ng kamote
NPA: san n kaya sila? hmm..
baka nagtatago lang ang mga
yun dito
Sinipa ang sako 1
Juan: meow meow
NPa: Pusa lang pala
Sinipa ang sako 2
Pedro: arf ! arf !
NPA: aso lang pala
Sinipa pang sako 3
Berting; tahimik walang
reaksyon
Sinipa ulit yung sako 3
Berting: wala ulit reaksyon
Sinipa ng sinipa ang sako 3
Berting: tang ina naman oh!!
kamote ako..
wala akong sound!!!
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PostSubject: Re: THE JOKERS   

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THE JOKERS
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PINOY TAMBAY :: CHAT LOUNGE :: JOKES AND QUOTES-
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